| no idea |
[Thu, Jul. 24th - 2pm] |
Ben: I think that I am going to start telling people that I'm not wearing my contacts, and that is why I don't recognize them. When do you think that will wear thin? "I can't see good." Sent at 2:17 PM on Thursday
Besha: bad memory for faces is what i usually say which has the advantage of being true although not as true as i am usually drunk and also i don't care Ben: Yeah. This friend of my brother's asked me if I recognized her at a party. Actually, she said, "Do you remember my name?" Which is fucking rude. IMHO. I said, "No, but I remember your tattoo." Which is this giant outline of california up her torso. She then introduced me to her boyfriend. Caroline. She's pretty cool. Always acts like I'm this big asshole. No idea why. Sent at 2:22 PM on Thursday |
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| MF Doom Sucks |
[Thu, Aug. 16th - 1am] |
Don't watch MF Doom live. Just don't. He has a cool mask, which makes it so that he doesn't even have to lip synch. His stage performance is zero.
The only person who's mic was on was the world's most irritating hype man. Yarrgh.
His music is still fantastic. Just let him do it in the studio without anyone watching at all. |
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| Because I always forget |
[Wed, Jun. 20th - 2pm] |
Coldstone Creamery ice cream is fucking repulsive. Even their plainest flavors. Yack. |
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| For Zach's Eternal Reference |
[Mon, Dec. 25th - 12pm] |
Zach Gunsel: why would olivia write me an insanely heart-wrenching xmas card
Ben Donley: To fuck with you so that you can never get over her. |
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| I'm Boomer. |
[Thu, May. 25th - 1pm] |
 | You scored as Lt. Sharon Valerii (Boomer). You forget things. Are they important? You think you might be a Cylon, but does that make you a machine? Who are you? Who am I?
Lt. Sharon Valerii (Boomer) | | 81% | CPO Galen Tyrol | | 69% | Dr Gaius Baltar | | 50% | Tom Zarek | | 44% | President Laura Roslin | | 44% | Capt. Lee Adama (Apollo) | | 31% | Commander William Adama | | 25% | Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck) | | 25% | Col. Saul Tigh | | 19% | Number 6 | | 0% | </td>
What New Battlestar Galactica character are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
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| revenge of the automated turing test |
[Sun, Apr. 16th - 12pm] |
This spam is interesting on several levels:

Since spam filtering software can nail spam based on the URL links, many spams don't link and hope that the recipient will manually type in the URL from an image.
But spam software can do optical character recogition and pick off the URL that way. So this was munged in order to defeat automated analysis. But it was also munged in a graphically appealing (debatably) way, and winds up looking like a club invite.
blah blah blah blah |
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| drinkme returns (Psychotic SPAM) |
[Fri, Apr. 7th - 5pm] |
From "missing.or.wrong.knowledge.syndrome@mindsnapper.zic" subject "drinkme":Does the policeman hunt mad people or does he hunt sane people ?? (even better he hunts patology) The policeman hunts mad people, or he would be mad, by definiton. So there should be total identity, and unity of action, by the policeman, the general, the medical doctor, so we will not say anymore that a raper is a sane human. We can show why also crimes against the patrimony are not physiological conducts (if evrybody would go doing robberies..what would happen?)
A conduct can be pathological (biological group self-destructive activity) or non pathological (phisiological), no external or middle case is expected. 90% of the people who killed a parent is declared mentally healthful, this means: non pathological conduct, phisiological conduct (genetic or non genetic), good doctor, not vector of functional or anatomical suffering.
Medicine is an exact science, jurisprudence is an exact science. Enemies and friends: of the mental hygiene only, war between doctors isn't expected value. "Fighting with islam against the devil" : this information is harmless and profitable.
Siegmund Freud lies not knowing to be lying: he is a conceptual pedophile who says children has sexual attraction for parent (edipus) and that mind is partitioned in 3 parts (ego superego es). False premiss brings wrong result: like Freud says, cognitive error is associated with pathological conduct.
"All fine at home? Do your parents act with you like with friends?": the medical doctor must suggest this or enhanced reflection to the habitants, for excluding non-genetic behavioral epidemics. Slapping child is a crime and a mania, like by the general rule, "if child doesn't born genetically stupid, handicapped, diseased, socially dangerous". Earth's habitants kill gays but children don't born gays, habitants corrupt and kill children doing a "sacrifice to the devil": this non genetic epidemic is familiarly but not geneticaly transmitted.
God created phisiology and patology and gave you the chance to choice. With baptism christians forgive themselfs from god's sentence.
1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." 1:29 Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 1:30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground-everything that has the breath of life in it-I give every green plant for food." And it was so.
If vegetarian diet gives longer and better life than non-vegetarian diet, non-vegetarian diet is alimentary behavior pathology. Eating another human is a behavioral disturb; a cow has 96,5% dna perfectly matching with human dna. I am racist: i think animals is inferior race, so i don't have to eat cadavers, thing that induce a phisiological genetic reflex : vomiting.
This text describes a surgical practice, and can't be copyrighted ; you are authorized to the use u think is necessary, please forward. This is a final version or close, you will not receive notifications anymore. call for emergencies pog975 hotmail it |
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| wtg spam |
[Tue, Mar. 14th - 11am] |
I wonder if anyone collects spam manifestos, like the English Grammar Fraud spam & various religious advocacy.
This one was titled "drinkme" and claimed to be from "ee@mhpea.org". It was addressed to a hundred or so email addys alphabetically near to mine.
A conduct can be pathological or non pathological (phisiological), no external or middle case is expected. 90% of the people who killed a parent is declared mentally healthful, this means: non pathological conduct, phisiological conduct (genetic or non genetic), good doctor, not vector of behavioral or anatomical suffering.
Medicine is an exact science, jurisprudence is an exact science. Enemies and friends: of the mental hygiene only, war between doctors isn't expected value. "Fighting with islam against the devil" : this information is harmless and profitable.
Siegmund Freud lies not knowing to be lying: he is a conceptual pedophile who says children has sexual attraction for parent (edipus) and that mind is partitioned in 3 parts (ego superego es). False premiss brings wrong result: like Freud says, cognitive error is associated with pathological conduct, biological group self-destructive activity. "Your parent acts with you like with friends": the medical doctor must suggest this or enhanced reflection to the habitants, for excluding non-genetic behavioral epidemics. Slapping child is a crime and a mania, like by the general rule, "if child doesn't born genetically stupid, handicapped, diseased, socially dangerous". Habitants of the planet kill gays but children don't born gays, habitants corrupt and kill children doing a "sacrifice to the devil": this non genetic epidemic is familiarly but not geneticaly transmitted.
With baptism christians forgive themselfs from god's sentence. If vegetarian diet gives longer and better life than non-vegetarian diet, non-vegetarian diet is alimentary behavior pathology. Eating another human is a behavioral disturb; a cow has 96,5% dna perfectly matching with human dna. I am racist: i think animals is inferior race, so i don't have to eat cadavers, thing that induce a phisiological genetic reflex : vomiting.
You are authorized by the author to the use u think is necessary, please forward. This is a final version or close, you will be excluded from future mailing. Refeer to email's header for contact information. So, do you think "drinkme" indicates that somehow, somewhere, someone was thinking about Alice in Wonderland? Like, perhaps it was someone's email addy or subject, and it got rolled into a spam engine's randomizer? I can't imagine that this particular spammer would include it as a humorous aside. |
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| entryscan; aluminium foil hats |
[Fri, Feb. 24th - 4pm] |
Flying out of SFO, they asked me to step through this thing:

So I did. And I near to pissed myself. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I was jittery and upset for the next 30 minutes or so. It was dehumanizing, and immediately occured to me that someone with past trauma could be much more upset by the experience. I was skeptical (/paranoid) about whether the TSA employees had been fully informed about its function, which they said was to blow a little air on you and sample it. The thick walls make it look like it could contain x-ray machinery and shielding.
This guy engaged me with some extremely self-conscious "aggressive hospitality" when I took a few pictures:

Today I googled "entryscan", but it's mostly industry stuff for the first page. Plus Popular Science talking about how cool it is. GE has A list of supplies you may purchase for your EntryScan, and they all do appear to relate to explosive and narcotics detection. I'm still not convinced that they aren't xraying or something, but whatever.
You can view a photograph of their "Dopant, Explosive" product. Dunno what they use it for:

Maybe it's used to treat whatever air they collect for sampling. Maybe it's how they produce the air blasts, as according to Wikipedia, dichloromethane can be used as an aerosol spray propellant. Also according to Wikipedia, it's carcinogenic:Methylene chloride is the least toxic of the simple chlorohydrocarbons, but it is not without its health risks. Chronic exposure to methylene chloride may be carcinogenic, as it has been linked to cancer of the lungs, liver, and pancreas in laboratory animals. It is a mutagen and teratogen, causing birth defects if women are exposed to it during pregnancy. Prolonged skin contact can result in the methylene chloride dissolving some of the fatty tissues in skin, resulting in skin irritation or chemical burns.
In many countries, products containing methylene chloride must carry labels warning of its health risks. However, it is often mistaken for paint thinner which can be applied freely to the skin. Note "chronic exposure". Anyway I'm not going near one of those things again. I will avoid flying out of SFO, and wherever fly out of, I will provide an extra six hours in case I need to explain myself to security. I can't begin to explain how embarrassed I will be. |
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| Teachers in need of help |
[Sat, Jul. 31st - 4pm] |
From: from-Xui@goldtimesystem.com Subject: Teachers in need of help Date: July 31, 2004 11:20:31 AM PDT To: dojothemouse@mac.com Reply-To: from-Xui@goldtimesystem.com
This is not an advertisement. The message seems rather long, but is just a few bytes, much smaller than that of a small picture.
To the one who would like to help
Teachers of English in need of help: Their scandal or ours?
We are a group of English teachers in Hong Kong, with Chinese as our first language. We are in a very embarrassing situation that grammar books have created for us, and we hope that you may lend a hand. We may sleep much more easier at night if we can solve this problem, which has long existed but we didn't quite take it seriously. These years, however, the question or scandal has been passing around fast and it is difficult for us to handle. Though the message may have been originated from your school, please allow us to explain again the situation here.
It is well known that, according to grammar books, we don't use present perfect tense when there is a past time adverbial mentioned:
e.g. *I have seen him yesterday. (ungrammatical)
( Nearly every grammar book ... ) |
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| I just forgot about him last time. |
[Mon, Jan. 5th - 12pm] |
1) Michael Moore 2) Orrin Hatch 3) Adrian Lyne 4) Darl McBride 5) Richard Linklater 6) Paul Reiser 7) Lenny Kravitz 8) Billy Crystal 9) My dead grandparents (Living one is ok.) 10) Neil Gaiman 11) Barry Levinson 12) Steven Spielberg 13) Karl Rove 14) Walt Disney 15) Adrien Brody
"I bet they didn't tell you that was in the gift bag."
The only cure for this kind of jackass is a shotgun. I don't care how pretty he is.
Edit: 16) Jack Nicholson |
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| Enemies List, December 2003. |
[Tue, Dec. 16th - 3pm] |
Recent additions are in bold.
1) Michael Moore 2) Orrin Hatch 3) Adrian Lyne 4) Darl McBride 5) Richard Linklater 6) Paul Reiser 7) Lenny Kravitz 8) Billy Crystal 9) My dead grandparents (Living one is ok.) 10) Neil Gaiman 11) Barry Levinson 12) Steven Spielberg
I'd add Karl Rove, but I only hate him 'cause he's working for the other side. If there was someone similarly skilled and criminal-mastermind-like working for my side... No, I'd hate them just like I hate Michael Moore, so:
13) Karl Rove
Edit: Upon pressure from my girlfriend, Adrian Lyne (director of Unfaithful) has replaced Craig Barton in slot 3. If in the future I feel that I am being too forgiving, I may put Craig back on the list in a lower rank.
Edit: Zach reminded me:
14) Walt Disney |
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| Spreading Santorum |
[Wed, Dec. 3rd - 12pm] |
SpreadingSantorum.com is Dan Savage's new site dedicated to santorum, that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes a product of anal sex. As I discussed before, the term was coined after Senator Rick Santorum made a few idiotic comments about homosexuals and made it clear that he'd be leading the charge in the senate to avoid giving queers the rights that we heterosexuals take for granted. There was brief media coverage of his initial homophobic comments and his subsequent non-apology. Dan Savage's readers didn't want the world to forget. So we're smearing santorum everywhere we can.
Edit: Someone at Spreading Santorum (perhaps Dan himself) linked my old post about santorum. |
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| Let the googlewashing commence. |
[Wed, Nov. 19th - 9am] |
I'm sure y'all know the story about Rick Santorum. I'll tell it again anyway. Rick Santorum is a senator that made some offensive comments about homosexuals, and advice columnist Dan Savage didn't want the world to forget about it. So, Dan Savage asked his readers to submit & vote on a new definition for the word "santorum." They decided that new definition of santorum should be the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that sometimes results from anal sex.
Today, Dan Savage requested in his column that his geekly readers do their best to improve the google ranking of his definition, so that when folks google for santorum, they get this new definition, not the asshole's senate web page. Repeated linking from the same page probably won't make any difference, but repeated linking from many pages certainly will.
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| The funniest thing on LiveJournal ever. |
[Thu, Nov. 6th - 10am] |
So, I was bored the other day. I browsed p0llux's friends list. I saw a post from saratobias about running out of Adderol. I responded. Check the two comments I received.
Please don't respond to those folks' comments.
Jesus, God almighty. My post was patronizing and worthless and probably didn't contribute anything to saratobias' situation. However. That second response has made me think just a little bit less of humanity in general. I can't really tell if the dude is joking or not.
What drives men to that kind of rage? Is it the same thing that drives men to be patronizing and worthless (like I was in my comment)? Women have rage, can be patronizing and worthless, but they don't do it like fear and I.
I think it's the same impulse that leads people to obsess about Ayn Rand, or become fascists, or stock up on guns. Or get facial tattoos. It's what lead Burroughs to write about control addicts and his weird brand of homosexuality.
I've got like ten different ways I'd like to respond to this asshole, but... I hope I'll refrain. fear and loathing. Dangerous vibrations.
Edit: Hehehe. I just found out that nakedmen is saratobias' brother. Those Pandrax folks are so self indulgent. Jesus. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mon, Oct. 27th - 3pm] |
The Idiotic Straight Edge Tattoo Gallery.
This one is my favorite (after looking at the first two pages). It's as if she wants to say, "Being Straight Edge is the most important thing to me in my life. But I wouldn't want that to influence potential employers or romantic interests, and I would like to keep it a secret."
[Edit 3/8/2004: This post is a jackass magnet. I swear I didn't mean to troll you sXe kids to come defend yourselves in my journal. I'm not fishing, so wtf is up with all the biters?] |
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| Retarded Cowboy |
[Thu, Jul. 24th - 10am] |
There's a retarded cowboy on the bus across the aisle from me. He's like Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, just with no endearing qualities. Every time anything happens on the bus, he starts cursing. When we stop and pick people up, it's "Aw, Jesus Christ!" He'll repeat until we pull away. "Jesus! Jesus Christ!"
He also cursed out the window when he bumped his head on it. "God DAMN it." He's absolutely tone deaf, which I know because he's singing along to his walkman. His cigarette scarred vocal chords are working, but his mouth isn't exactly, so he mostly just pronounces the vowels: "Way oooh ray uh ray shooow. Aaahn yoooo shih, saaaay fruh uh seeeee." Then, he just moans for a while. Somehow, his idiotic grunting... got stuck in my head.
I want him to suffer before he dies. |
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| Regarding cock. |
[Fri, Apr. 25th - 10am] |
They don't want me listening to my iPod at work. It apparently doesn't fit the company image for me to be bop bop bopping in my chair.
I swear, listening to music is one of the few things that can distract me from slashdot and ars and get me to really focus on work.
They better hire me, or this is an annoying fucking move.
Edit (1/16/2004): Yeah, they hired me. No, I still can't listen to my iPod at work. And yes, I still read slashdot and ars too much. And LJ. |
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